The epic adventures of a circus midget

This is a song i've had in the pipeline for ages, it has taken various forms with completely different structures melodies rhythymns and even styles. It still doesnt have a bridge, but i think its nearly there. If any1 has lyrics improvements please feel free to help, any feedback is good feedback.


Verse 1
To serve you is my worship
Though it is hard to see the path,
To trust in you with gladness
To walk your ways when it is hard,
I’ll trust your hand to guide me
Wherever it may lead I’ll follow,
The cross my hope your torment
Forever graven on my heart.

Pre-Chorus
I lay aside my envy, ambitions and my pride
To serve you now wholehearted, your glory be my drive

Chorus
Let worship be the song
Forever in my heart,
A flame that burns for you
With unquenchable desire.
A passion for your name
Your glory and your fame,
Let thoughts of you rule
With a vast a holy fire.

Verse 2
You are the air I breathe oh Lord
You are the lover of my soul,
I long to give you all I am
For you are worthy above all,
The echo’s of the Father’s heart
Your will will be my everything,
Before your throne in heaven now
Where angels praise you I will bow.

Pre-Chorus 2
As I tread before you trembling, let my thoughts be lost in wonder
As your radiance surrounds me, I cry worthy Lord

life marches on and an ever present beat pounds softly in my ears

I havent updated in ages, been very busy, more responsibility in the church means more work, which is good, but seeing as a have a tendancy towards the behaviour of sloth-like mammals or possibly hedgehogs it is against my nature slightly (i do like the hibernating). The youth programme is running ok and we had a non-christian school friend come along to the last session, someone who we had been praying for which was really gd. It meant some alst minute re-arranging of the session. But i think it went well. To be honest im not feeling particularly fired up at the moment, generally im feeling pretty weighed down with life in general, i just want to feel full of joy, but thats obviously not what God's got in store for me right now.

I'm trying to introduce new styles of worship (i cant think of another word for it) to the church at the moment, its going ok but i think i may have to start singing because the style really requires one person to lead wiht singing rather than a group, not in all situations but because non of the singing group are really used to the style either i think it needs it. I'm not confident in doing that because i still dont feel that i have a particularly good voice, but as i feel God's arm drawing me in that direction in the church i will trust that he can use me despite all my deficiencies.

I found out something the other day tht hit me like a brick wall and really struck me again how human beings go so low sometimes, and also that as christians we are far from free from troubles and God's plan is tough to understand sometimes, i cant say more but lets just say that it's had an effect the past few days.

I am getting recording stuff and am really looking forward to recording some of the stuff i've written and hopefully it'll give me a new way to serve God. Though it is quite an investment.

Not writing as much at the moment, nor just spending as much time in my room worshipping with a guitar, i need to get back into communing with God.
I want to feel refreshed and renewed.

Something nuts happened tonight I got to tell u about

so right I’m at Newport train station really fuming because my train was delayed by like half and hour, im sitting on a bench at the end of the platform when this guy starts walking towards me looking proper menacing, he's like 6ft "3 and in a black coat with a skin head and i thought i was in real trouble gonna get proper knifed or something,
anyhow he sits down next to me and is like

"could u lend me some change mate, my girlfriend has gone off with the car cos we had a fight and i need to get to cardiff",

well i looked in my wallet and i didnt have any change i only had a tenner and he was like

"do u reckon we could go and see if anyone could change this",

normally i'd be like, im sorry mate but i just cant, but for some reason i start wandering round the train station with himanyhow, no-one could change it so he's like

"can we go out to the taxi rank quickly see if they can change it",

so i go with him out into newport town centre, i have no idea why, i never normally do anything like tht, and we start talking about why he's in Newport and stuff, then he asks me why im there, and i tell him im working in a church
then he's like

"oh right, you work in a church, i've been really confused about something can u help me", so we get the change from the taxis and we go back into the train station and he's there offering me weed and fags and stuff and he says "i've had a hard life and done some pretty nasty stuff to be honest, been in jail bout 6 or 7 times and this one time when i was in for a year i started going to church in the prison, and i got well into and was praying every night and reading my bible but nothin was happenning, and everyone was on about how amazing it felt to be 'born again' and be a christian and i just didnt feel any of it. But this one time when i was praying in my jail cell i was proper into it and i just started crying for no reason and i couldnt stop, i was so scared that i just stopped going to church and praying completely, can u tell me what that was all about"

So we're standing in the middle of newport train station with people coming and going all around and this guy is just standing there for like 25min listening to me tell him about the gospel and how much jesus loves him and he's got tears in his eyes and he just shakes my hand as his train pulls up and is like

"that meant so much to me"

and all stuff like that, and it was just so crazy, this totally rough dude completely in awe of Jesus, it was soo awesome

christmas time, miseltoe (gd for kissing) and wine (also gd for kissing if you have too much), children playing (not gd for kissing, unless you are carl from neighbours....ooo burn) dum de dum dum de (i forgot the rest.

christmas is busy, all the people scurrying everywhere around town like very large ants, except not red and they dont have lots of legs. This one guy has a really pointy head and a red puffer jacket thingy, so he kinda did look like an ant. anyway.

I just sat in my room and it all spilled out. I cried for an hour until there were no more tears left.



Don't break my heart,
though it's all falling down around me.

I just read owen's LJ, or since owen is probably the only person who reads this....
I just read your LJ.
It really struck me how true all the stuff he said is, i've been thinking about the heart recently and how God looks at the heart. All the things we do, whether we write great songs, organise big evangelistic events, stand on the street corner crying the glory of God, speak in the tounges of angels are nothing if we have hearts that do it for impure motives or are not motivated by God's love and his desires and affections. I think it is more gloryfying for God to see one child, adult, OAP anyone on his knees truely humbled than an auditorium full of half hearted worship, people just there for the show or people simply there for tradition. My heart is so often in the wrong place, desiring the wrong things, i am full to the brim with what God detestes, sin, which is why it is still so amazing that he loves me and is waiting at the end of the line for me with open arms. I have also once again been struck about how though we have a responsibility to try and change churches which seem dead, these people are often still children of God who just need to be shepherded in the right direction rather than purely criticised, i sometimes wonder how gloryfying for God it is for us to just say a church is dead and wander on looking for a more comfortable or 'spiritual' environment. Or whether it would be more to his glory for us to patiently work with these people trying to show them Gods love and glory which they often once felt so intimately. Its just me thinking and i know i could be wrong, but still......

Dave x

What is your favorite..

gum? Spearmint

restaurant? place called elias orchard in skiathos, it was a family place, and the food was really tasty, and we ate outside with all these candles and torches around.

drink? home made lemonade, or strawberry milkshake (but ahs to be a proper one with ice cream and real strawberry's and stuff

season? i like them all, dont think i can chose

type of weather? beach weather (hmm but all weather is beach weather) or snow weather, but only if theres a fire going when i get inside

emotion? in love

thing to do on a half day? go down the river and swim then play my guitar, or go to the beach and swim then play my guitar

late-night activity? lying outside watching the stars, around a campfire, with a guitar, and friends

sport? tennis, squash, windsurfing, beach sports, come to think of it i dont have a favourite, hmmm i am indecisive

city? i liked paris, i like cardiff sometimes, i would love to go to new york or chicago or rome or venice or florence or naples

store? Gamlins, or the music store in Cambridge where the guy just let us play all these amazing piano's and then told us to go and play these even more amazing ones.


When was the last time you..
cried? a few days ago

played a sport? friday

laughed? Today, not long ago, at the bbc shakespeare midsummer nights dream thing, oh and laughing at Sarah, and my cat who was funny

hugged someone? 2 hours ago, sarah

kissed someone? too long (thts all ur getting)

felt depressed? yesterday (tho not clinically depressed, just a bit down)

felt elated? yesterday after leading the 1 sunday night thing in malpas

felt overworked? i think im too lazy to feel overworked

faked sick? years ago (dont need to now, and just didnt go to 6th form when i didnt want to)

lied? dunno, too often


What was the last..

word you said? shish kebab (i just said it now because i wanted to put it in, it sounds so cool)

thing you ate? madiera cake

song you listened to? third day, when the rain falls

thing you drank? a cup of tea, good ol tea

place you went to? malpas road church

movie you saw? drumline, this afternoon

movie you rented? woh, tht was ages ago, hmm, think it was "be cool"

concert you attended? tht is also a while ago, i dont remember, might have been third day


Who was the last person you..

hugged? sarah

cried over? my grandad

kissed? dont remember, probly a family member or friend actually, definitely a family member or friend

danced with? Emma

shared a secret with? owen probly

had a sleepover with? the guys, sometime

called? richard miles

went to a movie with? my dad

saw? its all family members so i am going to say libby, because it hasnt been tht long since i saw her

were angry with? richard miles

couldn't take your eyes off of? hmmm, not saying, could be awkward, plus.... well... u know....

obsessed over? same as above


Have you ever..

danced in the rain? yup

kissed someone? yup

done drugs? nope

drank alcohol? yeah

slept around? nope

partied 'til the sun came up? yup

had a movie marathon? yup

gone too far on a dare? yeh, but not in some kind of sleazy way, just in a stupid way, because it was joel and caswell, and well tht speaks for itself

spun until you were immensely dizzy? mmmm good times

taken a survey quite like this before? nope, was a new experience, hopefully the first of many








soooooo..... that was interesting
what next

maybe i'll buy a ferret

Things are creeping onward, though probly at a bit more of a jog. Christmas is a busy time in a church calendar, so naturally i am busy with christmas things. We are hoping to run some outreach youth events and events for students coming home from uni. We are running some outreach meals and also renting out a cinema screen, yes a whole screen, to watch the lion the witch and the wardrobe, and then coming back to the church afterwards for a relaxed quiz thingy.

Paul Gamston has had his baby girl, Mari Lamorna Gamston, kinda pretty i think. I havent seen her yet, i will on friday, if they ask if i want to hold her i don't know waht i'll say, im scared of dropping her, that would not be a good thing. Baby's are scared of me, maybe its my hair, its like a lions mane, as wild as bodmin moor.

I led worship in malpas rd last night and i think it went pretty well, which was a miracle. I woke up on sunday morning after being slightly ill on saturday with no voice, literally, it cracked and i couldnt make any sort of decent noise. I couldnt get out of bed to go to the morning service and when i turned up to practice in the afternoon i felt like i was dying. Somehow tho wen i got up to lead my voice came back and i didnt feel ill or nervous or anything, it was really cool. And i actually got some positive feedback from some members of the church, someone even complemented me on my singing, tho i have a feeling they were just being nice. It was a big step for the church and i hope there arent too many objections, it was really cool to look around the church and see some people really caught up with God during the singing which i havent seen there before, that was really awesome. And some of the youth came out and read and prayed which was really great, and very brave of them.

We also had the first sunday night session, kinda like ypf, except they have decided to call it GLU "god loves u" and because it is about sticking together in fellowship and sticking close to God, kinda clever i think. It was just a really cool time of fellowship, we didnt do any bible study just some prayer and worship, it was really good and i think they really connected with God. Which is just awesome, i love the fact that God can use someone like me to reveal himself or help support his people, its a real priveledge.

Home stuff is hard

The heart that loves knows no time, it knows only that it will love forever

......
......
......
forgive my indecison

dave x

time off is good

So I haven’t updated in ages because i have been very busy. Very Busy.
I started the position in Malpas Rd. a few weeks ago. Its hard work at the moment because whilst only being a half hour away on the train it is a completely different environment. The youth group is so different in the dynamic and the way it is organised to what I’m used to, its quite challenging, i think it needs to change slightly but that will take time. The work at this stage is quite lonely, because what i am doing is based so much on relationships with people the fact that i don’t know anyone makes me feel even more alone at times. It was quite a shock to the system to realise that without the support network of friends we rely on so much, situations can seem very lonely.

Being alone in a new environment is the most challenging thing at the moment(in a very unsuspecting way) (though as time goes on this becomes easier) and i am finding that God is a real comfort at the moment, how can people manage without him. Going into peoples houses for an afternoon who you have never met before is a strange experience, you can sit surrounded by a family and be given an intimate glance into their home life, yet still be completely isolated and alone, whilst at the same time having people accept you and accommodate you. I like one of the lines to a song ows is writing at the moment from psalm 63 i think, "find rest my soul in God alone".

The work itself is very changeable from week to week and day to day. Some weeks/days will be not very much going on whilst others will be packed. The complete shifts in working hours is a shock to the system, some days i will only be working for 3 hours whilst others i will be in Newport for up to 14 hours. It is mostly youth work, though a lot of it is just serving around the church, clearing up, setting stuff out, day to day jobs that need doing. The schools work is interesting and its great turning up at a school and have all these tiny kids be really excited to see you and remember you. I have done some assemblies and sports clubs, hopefully i will be starting some RE lessons with Paul G (assistant pastor) in the malpas court primary school soon.

The youth groups have no real ypf time, they have a short S-Club (yes based on sclub7) session on Sunday afternoon but this isn’t very long. The majority of their bible teaching is done on a Friday night, where they devote half the session to fun and half to study. This seems strange to me as i think it would hardly be an atmosphere suitable for non-church kids who have had no previous exposure to the bible. However i must accept that their youth work philosophy is different and that being there for only a year there is little i can do to change the system. It is also true to say that nobody seems to be particularly fired up for God or jesus, there seems to be a general air of if not apathy then inactivity towards the things of God.

I hope that in my year i can help convey a sense of the awesomeness of God through what i tell them, also through a small worship time there which i hope to develop. I am aware that my talents in this area are considerably lacking and that i am pretty hopeless, but hopefully through the grace of God i will be able to lead his people before him, i have a real heart for this.

The church would be considered traditional and many from the outside might dismiss it as a church fairly dis-connected with the things of God, however as i come to know the people in the church i find that many of them a heart for Gods work, this is shown probably most of all in the areas of mission and especially prayer for missions. The church itself supports many missionaries around the world, and many of the church members are themselves or have been at one time missionaries. There is to be a couple going out to Cyprus in a month or so to work with Muslims out there, they are taking their baby daughter with them and need all the prayer they can get.

Whilst there is in the church no real fire for congregational praise, the worship of God is something that cannot and must not be limited to this, there is a sense of laziness among some of the members i feel and at times a hostility towards modern aspects of the church life, but i have been struck by the need for unity in God’s people, so if forcing modernisation on a church would cause disunity or a split i feel this must be avoided. The purpose of Christians meeting together in church in the New Testament has more to do with the edifying of one another than the praising of God in song, though i still feel a passion for this and wish others would.

In my personal life..... home isn’t easy...... Sarah isn’t well...... my grandfather who I love very much is dying..... and I never stopped loving her.

I might publish some song lyrics another time, sorry this has been such a long entry.
Trust in the LORD your God and lean not on your own understanding.

I will glory in him who is worthy of glorifying.

Dave x

The problem with cats is that they smell.
Our house,(technically my fathers, but pending my inheritance) appears to have become the local equivelant of weatherspoons for the felines of our neighbourhood. The communal water hole of the masai mara where roaming tabby's or ferocious man (well if not man, cat food) eating fat cats is the stagnating excuse for a water feature/ pond in our back garden. Even now as i sit here writing this entry i can see through the wild grass (only because i'm too lazy to cut it) a ginger specimen prowling in a suspicious manner which leads me to believe he has left us a 'present' to be discovered later, probably discovered (as all such presents are) late at night walking down with the bins with no slippers on.
The problem with this new development in feline mingling is that it leaves one almost constantly with the lingering trace of cat hair on almost every item of clothing i own. Also it passes on the risk of our cats (who are notoriously lazy) picking up fleas of the other roaming members of the cat family.
Therefore, naturally, this is what happened. And being a family of, oh i dont know..... lazy people we ignored the cats for a week or so and hoped they would dissapear. Not the cats of course, i am rather fond of my cats, though they are smelly, lazy, fat, noisy at the most inappropriate times and generally unclean...... must be why i get on with my father so well.
The fleas posed no problem until my sisters boyfriend Rob came to stay. They must have seen him coming a mile off (fleas have excellent vision) because the morning after his first night here he woke up with a number of red welts all over his legs. It was actually an amusing sight because he had forgotten his dressing gown, and some impulse had seized him, however unbelievable, to don my sisters spare pink satin dressing gown. He is not the most masculine of fellows even without the addition of pink, so this was needless to say a sight few have experienced, and something i would not wish on any one. On entering the kitchen i was greeted by Rob (who was aware of his slighlty precarious attire) with a less than cheery "Don't say a word" and the sight of my father burying his snorts in a cup of costa rican black coffee. Anyhow, the situation developed into the point where we had to buy cans of substance for killing fleas which had somehow managed to mount full scale invasion in numerous quarters of our house.
The story from this point is singularly unamusing except to add that if anyone fancies a bit of a laugh all you have to do is sprinkle some pepper on my sisters shoulder and say in startled amazment, "whats that, and why is it moving!?"


Davex

i urge all of you to watch some oscar wilde, he is very amusing.

The eternal conumdrum of choice is one that is haunting my thoughts frequently at the moment. I am perpetually confused as to what i am supposed to be doing, previously i was so sure that the placement in Newport was for me, but now i just have no idea.
On a lighter note, i urge all those of you who have a funny bone in your body to watch the upcoming much aclaimed (by addis, me and owen)show....... "the phil peterson show". It promises to be a triumph of humour over budget. Also very random with a wonderfully concieved title theme tune.
Generation Hope went awesome, we saw about 30-40 people coming forward for prayer or claiming salvation during the week. Including a guy who used to be my best friend Steve Caswell. I got to pray with him after and that was jsut amazing. Also Owen and the cool big issue lady (sorry forgotten her name) prayed over me afterwards which was really emmense. Mal Pope was the bomb, he really cooked my goose. Me and ows had this cool sponteous worship thing on friday as well which was gd, but nigel miked me up without me realising it so when i noticed it was a bit wierd, dont really know whw he did that, i've ne ver been particularly confident about my singing so i didnt really like not being told. The speaker dude really went a bit nuts at the friday event, kinda ruined it a bit for me, he went way overboard on spiritual gifts which was not what the evening was about. He also could have destroyed all the good relations between churches that had been building up during the week, he upset lots people.
Contagious is in a week, or just over. Should be really good, though we really ought to bring matty p back a girlfriend, i know he isnt coming but im sure one of us could fit one in our suitcase.

dave x

I know i havent updated for a while, but lets be honest, i'm extremely lazy, and possibly busy. Generation Hope is progressing very well but there is still a lot of work to do, the larger details are coming together but the little things that hold the week together are yet to be ironed out. We desperately need volunteers.

Only one exam left, history wasn't tht difficult, and music was hard but not impossible. Still cant quite believe tht i've left school for good, never going back, finito, seems to be no sense of closure. There are so many people i will never see again (not a completely bad thing, but in some cases will be wierd to leave so many people behind).

My heart is healing quicker than expected, though not yet completely, guess with so much practice it comes easier. I still want someone to be close to but i am learning more and more to trust, and also how i really am incapable of doing anything in my own strength. New person (thought not technically new) has begun to resurface old feelings. I have a great bunch of friends, even though most are 2 years younger than me, i really must be immature. I'm still not quite sure how i got to know them all, i just kinda invited myself along to various things until they gave up and accepted me.

I have been writing a lot of songs recently, even more than usual, some are keepers but others have been discarded. I find music is a portal to commune with God in a very powerful way more and more at the moment. Just to sit there with a guitar and sing between you and God in a prayer, you can open yourself up and let him fill you without any constraints. It really is a gift to be able to praise God with music. To see some of the songs I, and Ows have been writing then go to www.freewebs.com/letworshipbethesong, also if any1 has any songs they want to share or get advice on they can email them to me or ows and we can upload them.

Next year is not yet finalised though i feel a draw towards the position in Malpas road, however the logistics behind it could be a problem as transport to and from would require a car, i have saved enough to buy one, but insurance is expensive, i'm sure it'll work out.

I really dont know where i'm headed in a bigger sense, whether to secular work or to serve God in the ministry. I still feel most comfortable when involved in music in some form or another, but whether this is where i'm supposed to be i don't know, for now it is, but later, could be anything.

I hate exams, and being judged by people who don't know me, i wish you could be judged by someone who has seen you over the time you've studied something, i never like the pressure of exams. Soon be over though. Then fun, and stuff like that, with the jumping and the hopping, and possibly even the extravagance of skipping.

Oooh, if any1 wants guitar lessons then i'm going to start giving them, so....tell me.

I recently found a book with song lyrics i wrote years ago, when i was playing in a band with steve caswell, about yr 9 i think. It was quite interesting to look back on them. Lots of them were about stupid stuff, insignificant things but there were a few decent sets. A few about escape and trying to fly away, just wanting to be free. I was actually very suprised to see how God figured in some of the lyrics, this was suprising for me as it was quite a painful and dark period of my life, one where i didnt feel God's presence at all, and yet looking back at those lyrics i could see he was with me. Just a sample of one which really suprised me:

I wandered aimlessly through the clouds of destiny
The world stood still as I pondered my own fate
The people passed me by not bothering to glance a second time
The sand passed through the hour glass, the people stopped and the moment passed

I don't know what I should
I'm standing here helpless without you
The World seems so cruel and harsh
People try not to cry but laugh
Only in your arms can i find
Solitude quiet and peace of mind
The ultimate sacrifice
Bathed me in your holy light

One thousand walls and seas cannot stop him coming to me
If i need a helping hand I know that he will understand
Scores of angels cried in pain as he died then rose again
Ten thousand breaths bit their tounges and he was declared the righteous one

Any how, peace out my homies and all that jazz.
Dave.

The answers not always what you want,
The truth is hard to take,
Trusting's easy on gentle roads,
But hard when backs would break.
It's hard to see a gentle hand,
A caring heart, a reasoned plan,
In silent tears the truth is shown,
My heart is breaking for a little love.

Hope shatters like love,
An early morning dew,
Flourishing in the pale light,
Dying under a harsh sun.
A sacrifice so great,
A love displayed so tender,
Yet why do I still yearn for more,
My heart is breaking for a little love.

I have been sheared. My golden mane is vastly depleted and i feel rather weak. Think i must be descendant of samson as had difficulty oppening jar of mayonaise today. Maybe i am just weak generally.
Exams soon. Not great. Dudes from malpas road church want to meet me, gd gd. I have a bad premonition about something, if i'm right then tht will make me feel lousy. Anyhow. Been playing my guitar tons lately, i was writing lots of worship songs designed for congregations or youth groups recently. But over the past few days i have found myself writing quite a lot of performer/soloist type songs, one inspired by paul colman. thanks ows, he really can write great songs.
Anyhow, im really only updating because im bored.
If any1 fancies a game of squash or tennis let me know, i havent played for ages and fancy a game.